Customer Service

I mentioned in a previous thread the Poly/EX-800 Hawk-800 mod board, and the fact the mod’s creator, Mike Hawkins, had been getting some rather uncharitable messages from some of his less technically-inclined customers on his user forum recently. I thought some of you might find some excerpts from the ongoing discussion amusing.


Here’s the problem:
I’m on the current 1.5b boards, which you most likely do not have. They feature a seemingly different orientation for the .001uF capacitors, and the PDF instructions do not give the least bit of clue as to where they should go.
Also, the documentation on the Hawk is absolutely terrible. There is also seemingly nowhere to even get some basic patches for testing.
This whole experience has been a circus. Never in my life.

Mike Hawkins to jcmayer3000:

The only difference is one capacitor location. Everything else, and I mean EVERYTHING, is the same from board 1.5 to 1.5b.

Most people have not had issues with the instructions, actually quite the opposite, most Poly enthusiasts have been complimentary.

But more than that, at least do me the courtesy of allowing me to help you before you whinge and whine like a spoiled rotten little brat. I’ve been waiting five years for a complete utter twat customer to come along and it looks like you might be it. That is, unless you manage to redeem yourself by re-engaging Internet etiquette 101. But first you will have to find the etiquette circuits somewhere inside your vacuous mind. Despite strong evidence suggesting otherwise, I can only assume that your brain is still present and functioning within your cranium.

Pondering this encounter further, what makes me laugh even harder at your total fail broadcasting your incompetence to the group here; is that you don’t even bother to email a direct question to me which is precisely what it says to do in the instructions. So at the most basic level you have failed the quintessentially stupid test for customer behavior which is the read the instructions and follow them!

Now, I can understand that you may be close to popping an aneurysm soon so please try to calm down, get a grip on yourself and do indulge everyone here as to why you think the HAWK sucks so bad. Since you did actually get it working in your Poly - right?

J. to all:

Greetings everyone!

First off: Great come back mike! I don’t think I’ve had a good laugh like this since some boob made an impatient stink on the yahoo DX7 group, and resulted in the whole group contributing to a set of patches called the “grey hair set”. (It was because the frustrated individual claimed he was getting grey hair trying to get a certain sound, and he couldn’t be bothered to lean FM synthesis) :slight_smile: lol…

Secondly: I wanted to maybe help… Now, I don’t expect anyone to listen or believe what I have to say. Please do your own research on this. Just like you were taught in school; gather all data possible, then make a hypothesis. So , here it is…

I’ve got the soap box out now, so anyone who doesn’t want to read on, STOP NOW AND DELETE THIS MESSAGE!

You have been warned!

Have you or anyone you know been feeling uneasy, jittery, nervous, or just plain unsatisfied? An almost electrical overloading feeling in your body?

Watching the news and seeing general stupidity and mayhem seems to be at an all time high. I could go on to site specific examples, but I think you know what I’m seeing out there.

The info I can present here should be explored:

The sun is producing more solar flares now than in recent years. These flares are messing with the electromagnetic field of the earth.

I have been watching this closely for the last couple of months, and the last two weeks, we’ve had practically non-stop class"M" activity being hurled at the earth. As I write this there is one of the biggest sun spots, of late, pointed directly at earth. Scientists are waiting for it to burst.

Now, Class “M” flares are not to bad, generally. But I have noticed my internet and cell phone go out of service during these flares. Class"X" flares are what scientist fear to be destructive.

Here is where I get my info:

Check it out. Learn all you can about it. Fascinating stuff!

For instance: this is Today’s forecast

FLARE 0-24 hr 24-48 hr
CLASS M 80 % 80 %
CLASS X 15 % 15 %

The human body has capacitance and, can be thought of as a resistor(specially when I’m circuit bending my favorite toy noise maker).

Would it be too much to say that the electromagnetic radiation from the sun could, and is affecting cognitive functioning?

To me, these quick outbursts and general lack of patience are a sign, of being off balance, due to a stimulus beyond means of escape.
I blame the solar flares for a lot of SHIT happening out there.(not everything, just some inexplicable SHIT)

Yes, I’m giving the benefit of the doubt, to our fellow poly-atomaHawk-800 enthusiast. (This is your way out of shame. You can apologize and blame the solar flares.) He/She/It is just a normal bloke/dude/dudette/? who has just been dealing with life’s quandary’s and was looking for relief by snuggling up with a good
quasi-self-modded synthesizer and blowing up some shitty speakers.
I do that all the time. How painful it is to be stopped in that procedure eh?


For myself, I am finding, at times, it’s harder to be still and have peace. For others its normal because of watching too much TV, popping pharmaceuticals, eating garbage, and anything else that dulls the sensitivity of this wonderful instrument that lets us experience the gift of life.

The solution? Breathe deep, think deep, drink lots of pure water, don’t forget your etiquette, stick your foot into woo woo land, and relax as you learn to meditate properly. There is no escaping celestial activity.

Ok, the soap box is gone. I went there. Don’t know if I should have but oh well. Agree or disagree, I don’t care. I’m only in charge of myself. I do have hope for the rest though.


P.S.(To everyone) All the information and miss-information is available. Do your own frickin research, Turd!


Mike Hawkins to J.:

Well, since this group is so quiet lately, and since your email is so wildly off topic, and since I also am an amateur astronomer; I thoroughly enjoyed your soap box rant that firmly places you in the company along with others that wear tin foil hats but…

Since I am skeptical of any hard line position, I will give you the benefit of the doubt by saying that the Sun probably could actually influence the behavior of humans and who am I to condemn your theory without considering the possibility.

I would though recommend that you look up “The Carrington Event” and ponder just how bad the world will be when the next one of those happens. But also, you should ponder that no one went stark raving mad when that event occurred. So the causal connection of solar flares and unhappy HAWK customers is extremely tenuous and you will certainly have to work hard to provide more evidence before I will change my customer support hours to match Solar activity. Can you imagine how (un)happy HAWK customers will be when I refer them to (which is the ACCURATE sun spot count, unlike telling them that I can’t help them with their capacitor positions until we have another blank sun?(!)

Much more likely, my customer John is affected by one or more of these:

Bipolar disorder
Substance abuse
Bad trip
Marital problems
Youthful exuberance
Character flaws
Refuses to wear tin foil hat

Now since I myself suffer from most if not all of the above from time to time, I am certainly in no position to condemn or otherwise impugn John in any way for his outburst and utterly erratic behavior. In fact, I sincerely hope that John is OK because, to be honest, his outburst followed by total silence is slightly worrying.

Would John please tell us all what was so wrong with the HAWK? I think we would all like to know.

Dear lord o_O

thanks for sharing this epic discussion, i’ll laugh days with that! :slight_smile:

Man if he thinks this is a difficult customer, I should show him some of mine!

Fucking classic! Thank you for posting that!

I myself believe we know very little about what the sun does to us and what causes regular dependable earth events like freezes and thaws. I think there is plenty of room there for conjecture and hypothesis.

But do I blame them for my poor Internet behavior or for bothering people persistently with my newbie questions and issues? No. That’s all me I’m afraid.

And no I’m not John (I wouldn’t admit it if I was).